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Thappad- Of course, He can!


The changing society and empowered women.

That’s where we believe to live. We believe that incidents of abuse are not happening to us.
It is so easy for us to categorize certain kind of abuse to a certain kind of society.

Physical abuse?

Tch-Tch, these slum people. Men drink cheap liquor and beat their women. Educated society doesn’t face this.

Sexual Abuse?

Yeah, the bad face of society but you know its more prevalent in showbiz or women going out late nights, pubs and clubs “kind” of women!

Emotional abuse?

Oh no, this is just a perception. Women are emotional and they tend to stroke the pain. Men are more practical and “living in the moment ” kind and don’t always mean what they say!

Not even going to the pay disparity, genetic mutilation, human trafficking!


How conveniently we dust all under the carpet.

When we talk about such issues our vision is till the reach of our social media and the visible society around us – friends, family, colleagues, and a maximum of our helpers.

We make our perception based on that but the facts are different. It will have a new round of debate about the cultural underpinnings of domestic violence but the facts are supported by data!

As reported by the National Family Health Survey (NHFS-4) released by the Union health ministry, every third woman, since the age of 15, has faced domestic violence of various forms in the country.

Domestic violence cases, where women reported physical abuse in rural and urban areas, were at 29 per cent and 23 per cent, respectively.

31 per cent of married women have experienced physical, sexual, or emotional violence by their spouses.
The most common type of spousal violence is physical violence (27%), followed by emotional violence (13%).

To top it all…India is one of the 36 countries where marital rape, the act of sexual intercourse with one’s spouse without the spouse’s consent, is still not a criminal offense!

Ummm… Karyeshu Daasi, Shayaneshu Rambha…

Will we able to believe that the recent lockdown has increased the domestic violence cases in India?

Of course not!

We are flooded by the ” Hum Sath Sath Hain” kind of images.
Family cooking together, eating together, washing dishes together!
They are making Tik-Toks together!
Look at the Instagram posts of all the love in lockdown!

How well we are coping!

Just that according to authorities “Earlier, we used to get 900-1000 calls per day of domestic violence, eve-teasing, molestation and ever since the lockdown we get around 1000-1200 calls per day, mostly of domestic violence,”

As per the numbers provided by the National Commission of Women (NCW) in mid-April, the cases of domestic violence had doubled during lockdown compared to pre-lockdown days.

This is not restricted to India only, UN chief António Guterres called for measures to address a “horrifying global surge in domestic violence” directed towards women and girls, linked to lockdowns imposed by governments to combat Coronavirus pandemic.


Patriarchy is a mindset, not restricted to any country.

It is rooted in the fact believed across the world, that Men and Women are unequal where one has mastership over another!

In a recent, one of many cases in Vadodara a man has beaten his wife as she was continuously winning an online ludo game against her husband! Now either that fragile is ego or the man loved his wife too much!

After all, we are OK with violence in love.


So what happens after this?

Do they get away with the relationship?

Do they go to a counsellor?

Do these cases are reported in court of law?


Only 14 per cent of women who experienced this violence sought help to stop it. Those who sought help even they backout after initial steps.

In another case in these lockdown times in Delhi, a woman working in IT and businessman husband ended up the argument(slap by man and verbal abuse as a routine) at a police station. The case was filed as the woman knew that soon he will be out on bail and she will be under the scrutiny of society and mental torture and trauma by the family.

Bitter Truth isn’t it?

Get ready to be shocked.

Data from the survey shows women in India between the ages of 40 to 49 were most supportive of domestic violence, with 54.8% in agreement. The percentage of justifying abuse is marginally lesser among younger women. 47.7% of girls between the age of 15 and 19 agreed with violence by husbands.

Now, this is the societal conditioning and mental wiring of women where they are made to believe that “a Thappad is OK”, “Pyaar toh karta hai na?”.

So a man fulfilling his duties read providing money (roti , kapda aur makaan ” and is giving society acceptance is allowed to show his anger in the form of physical form.

Do we see a change shortly?

No, I don’t.

Unfortunately, this is true and the change which we sought has to be inculcated irrespective of gender.

Women empowerment is not gender-based.

We have patriarchal women and feminist men!

The society at one level is changing rapidly and bringing new horizons for women at the same time there is a section who is hell-bent to keep women under the shackles of age-old traditions in the name of religion caste or social obligations.

There are men who are supporting, daughters, sisters, wives and are flag bearers of equality.

In a recent interview with Sushant Kalra, a parenting coach and founder of Parwarish he stated: “PROVIDING EXTRA AND TALKING ABOUT WOMEN EMPOWERMENT IS IN A WAY COMMUNICATING THAT THEY AREN’T EQUAL.”

Equality is surely seeping in but we need to increase the pace, but it’s still a long tunnel of darkness.

The present situation is again ringing the alarm which we refuse to hear during normal days.

Maybe the silence of lockdown is bringing the voice clearly for us to listen, sit back, and acknowledge and DO something about.




Pic credit UN Women

To read more by the Author

KalaManthan is an art platform which is dedicated to literary enthusiasts and has been working both online and offline to give them a place to share their views in form of poetry, stories and now blogs as well. The views are sole of the writer and not necessarily represent the platform’s views and opinions at all times.

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Sarita Nirjhra
A sapiosexual, who loves to dwell deep into human emotions! A writer and poet by passion and an entrepreneur by choice!


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