I feel each Daughter (is it?) – in – law ask these few questions to herself on the first day she enters a new family, a new home and after that almost every day till the end.
- Where is my home?
- Where is that place where I can sit and breathe in peace without the stress of being judged?
- Where is that place where I can be myself?
It is about being a part of a ‘home’ – a feeling that you belong to a new family and the new home ‘belongs’ to you too! Enough of “We treat our daughter-in-law LIKE our daughter”…But does it happen in reality???
Is India really that tough a country for daughters-in-law?
In marriage, girl’s parents lose a daughter but never gain a son; On the contrary boy’s family gains a maid and a punching bag without even losing their son.
Indian social system has ingrained in a girl from a very young age that she has to adjust and accommodate to her in-laws and husband without expecting a reciprocal behaviour. It is advised for women to adjust, learn to cook and basically give in to demands of their in-laws. While it is natural to take time to adjust to a new home, the Indian society apparently expects a new bride to do so within a few days. As an Indian bahu, you are expected to know everything and anything!
But no matter how beautiful, intelligent, and smart you are, you would always be treated as someone who knows nothing and someone who should just thank her stars to be married to God(his son) and the prestigious family. The husband and his parents like to discuss things in the absence of the daughter-in-law because she might not understand “their family issues.”So she is always with “The outsider” tag.
The onus of taking care of older parents is still on sons, mostly because many parents prefer it that way. This means that daughters-in-law are automatically expected to follow suit, irrespective of whether they have adjusted to their new home, irrespective of whether or not they want to stay with their in-laws. A daughter-in-law’s opinion never matters and never considered since she comes with an outsider tag
Daughter in law’s come from the family that had its own value system and believes that weren’t same always as the groom’s family.
It takes a lot of maturities to accept that there can be different ways of leading life and give your approval to the diversity that might come.
But that maturity is never expected from the in law’s family rather they always have a simple excuse,” In our family, this doesn’t happen”
In-laws are not ready to accept the changes that life demands. If you are a stay at home wife/mother, then you are wasting her son’s hard-earned money in beauty parlours and shopping! If you are working then Why do you have to work? Don’t you love your child? If you can take these statements with a pinch of salt and get over it then it’s fine, But if you speak up be prepared to hear
“Hasn’t your mother taught you anything?”
The bottom line is that you can never be as good a cook as your mother-in-law. You can never be as good daughter-in-law as their daughters. While for other things you become an outsider and your opinion is never considered important, when it comes to taking care of the house and housekeeping you have to take the ownership.
In most of the cases, parents feel separation anxiety from their son. That’s the sole reason for not making you an integral part of the family. and giving you the feeling of an outsider as and when an opportunity arises.