As a parent, we teach so many things to our children. We are eager to make them multi-talented personalities. It is very common nowadays to see young parents hopping from one activity class to others along with the apple of their eyes. Even the lockdown didn’t stop us from our goal of personality development of the child!
These kids learn drawing, dance, Taekwondo, public speaking and are into many other fancy activities. They make their parents proud in all the social get-togethers, but sometimes the parent comes face to face with another aspect of their child. The “Oh so adorable child”, expressing himself in a not so gentle manner. It comes as a shocker for the parent.
They feel a surge of mixed emotions, anger, embarrassment and sometimes even a sense of failure as a parent. It compels us to think whether, along with various activities, is it a requirement of time to teach our children to handle their emotions too?
We are what we feel, and how we express.
A child gives a tight hug and a kiss to mother and gets the same in return. He goes to his first school and does the same with friends, irrespective of gender and get instruction of “Don’t, touch anyone” OR “Do not kiss or hug your friend”. That’s the first confusion which the child comes across.
They see their parents and their role models in various movies and cartoons who take up anger to change the world, they also use that weapon to change their small world, to get few extra T.V hours, little more playtime, few more games, few more chocolates …few more and a few more. But alas! They get rebuke of a parent who refuses to give in to their demands. Another confusion……!!!
Our children need training and guidance, for the most important life skill- the expression of their feelings.
When to express, How to express and Whom to express. Home is the first school..it is an age-old saying . Mother of a pre-schooler was embarrassed as the little one was tagged as Emran Hashmi of the school. The sweet little one was just loving his friend. Teach them the importance of their love and emotion and help them to identify the people worthy enough to get their precious emotion!!
May be”Hug someone, if you love them equal to mommy” will work at an early stage. Later, make them understand that expression of affection is not bad, but has to be weighed upon before showing it to someone. Don’t get angry when your child says,” I love …..” any of his or her friends. It is normal, we all know then why to create a furore over it. Talk to them, if possible share your adolescence stories too, the more accepting you are, the more relaxed they will feel and it is a passing phase…which will soon pass!!!
Practice what you want to teach!
If you express your anger, violently don’t expect the child to be mature and obey restrictions. They will show their anger as they have learnt to express. Just the other day child in my activity centre used explicit words, which even elders would think twice before using in normal circumstances.
Parents were very well educated, and personally known to me, I was perplexed and when inquired him, he told me…”Papa said to the uncle who rammed his bike into our car”. Now, the scene was clear. We can’t blame, the father too, it was a circumstantial reaction, but not explaining his reaction made an impression on the child that, this is the way we can show our anger.
Teach kids to value emotion and relations.
Before showing your anger to your child, self Analise for a second, that your reaction will be doing good or bad for your child. Take a deep breath and count till ten, give time out to yourself and lastly talk to the tiny adult in front of you!!
I am sure you both will find a way and he will learn to handle his anger well.
- Don’t shy away from their questions.
- Think before reacting to the child behaviour
- Give them a satisfactory age-appropriate answer. I
- It is always good to share your experience with children instead of leaving them to explore on their own.